To Pia,
Life would have been so beautiful if I had nothing
else to do but think about you and love you. Spending my days looking at the
blue skies I wonder who are more far from me. The skies or you? And I find no
answer. The look in the eyes of everyone around me is strange. I have never
seen it before. They are definite on their words that the skies are much
farther. You tell me Pia, if it is so then how can I see those distant skies,
but not you. Help me! I can’t find an answer.
It feels beautiful to love you. No need to say it,
darling. I know it’s not easy. At the end of the day I feel happy that we’re
one foot closer in the thousand miles journey.
If I say about those days of October, the meeting or
just a glimpse, I know it’ll hurt you. Pia, you know, it hurts me more. Now
stop those tears for I hate them. You know you’ll have a running nose. It’s
true that if we would have met each other then things would have turned other
way, but doesn’t it increase your wait? Doesn’t that as k you to respect our
love more? Thank you, sweetheart for that little smile. It looks good on you.
Darling... Our biggest happiness is that in this big world we found us. Why do
you think that way? Again I say that I have forgiven you, trust me.
Let me tell you about my college. You know there are a
lot of girls, but only 7 in my class. None like you! I am changed Pia or I must
say that the light of your love has changed me. There was a time when I found
talking to strangers, especially girls, very exciting. Things have really
changed. I have become much sober within me. It feels much better to know
myself now. I have become less talkative.
People around me stare me with an insignificant thought,
“How can you love a girl you’ve never seen?”
They may not be wrong. I know it rarely happens. It did happen with
a senior, but the girl cheated on him. She also filed a complaint with the
college authorities when the senior tried to contact her through phone. And the
same example is repeated if I try to be more open to someone. Even Vivi was
sarcastic when I tried to tell him. This is the way things are here.
I get a counselling on how to love and whom to love by some lover
guys who are involved with several girl friends. One common advice that I get
from every second male is that why don’t I find a girl for myself in the
college?
“One girl in the college and one in is already there
in Mumbai. She will never enquire about what you do here. What’s so bad?”
“Don’t let the other know that you love some other,
just enjoy life.”
But I know Pia that I want to carry on my relation with you. I don’t
want it to be a college romance. I want it to sustain my life. Trust me, my
love for you will always remain yours. I love you Pia. Sometimes, I too get
amused when I think of our love. I know it’s strange, but I know it’s true and
I promise you that one day I’ll write it down for the whole world to read it.
Dar lagta hai...I have a fear darling...Hold my hand
and take me away with you.
I have never told you one thing. No... No... No... I
won’t tell it. Mmmmmm... I need a kiss... one more. I just love you... muah.
Starting from the very first I have written every message of yours in the diary
I purchased for you in October. I don’t know what stops me from deleting your
messages from the inbox? And I guess this was the only way to empty it.
Relax... I’ll tell you how I write them down. Time and date in violet ink and
your message in pink! I knew that pink will pink your cheeks. I also know now
you want to see it soon. I promise I’ll bring it with me the day we meet. The
word meet makes me nostalgic, Pia. The PC calls for you at 9 pm. All of the
songs that you want me to sing are always on my lips. Come soon.
It feels good to be home. I make a sudden plan every
month. No don’t tell me that I don’t like Jaipur, but seeing Nitesh and Shubh I
can’t stop myself. The fourteen hours long journey to home is an easy escape
from the real world. All the time I
think of you, our old talks, which seem new every other day. I always fancy
your smile, but I know it’s much prettier than I can imagine. Everyone at home
is good. Faces here have changed. Standing at the gates of my house I look at
the young new cricketers on the old muddy ground. I feel I’ve grown older.
Everything is in strange attachment with you. Now the gate reminds me of the
gate of your house in Jaipur. Even if you forgive me darling, I will never be
able to forgive myself for that one moment when I doubted your presence and
moreover when I doubted your love. Give me a chance to free myself from this
heavy emotion.
This year has given me a new meaning, a new sense to my real and
virtual worlds.
‘Kabhi kabhi mere dil me khayal aata hai.’ Why don’t you send me
something from your side? Probably a lover’s gift to a lover. This one thing
that melts my scar tissues when I touch it, smell it and feel it. I know you
won’t forget to kiss it a hundred times. For when I kiss it, it will be on your
lips. For when I touch it, I’ll feel like touching you. For when I smell it,
I’ll feel like smelling you. For when I feel it, I’ll be more in love with you.
Pia, I wish you a Happy New Year...
2009
I love you.
I love you.
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