C U 2MROW @ 9 (October 6, 2016)

He kept the search for the book alive, when it was ultimately found eating dirt and mud above the almirah. Page 7. Page 70. Page170. Page 270. The envelope was found nowhere.

Jesus! What did life want from me?

What could be done now? In despair he sat on the floor wondering what had to follow, what he would tell Mrs. K. As he went on scratching his head, something under his bed, white in appearance, caught his eye. He went down the bed. It was an envelope. Wiping the dirt and circles of webs from it, he looked at the address. It was from his home. It was received the same day Mannu got Pia’s courier. Now Mannu could remember that it was the same piece of paper which he had seen in Nitesh’s hand that day as he came in, but Mannu had enquired nothing. How could he think of such a coincidence? How could anyone think of it? From the centre of his confused mind, Mannu guessed all that could be inside it. A cheque? Maybe. A letter? But why would mummy write a letter?

He tore the envelope. As he pulled the piece of paper out he was getting sure that it wasn’t a letter. Really, life would be a mystery without mysteries. Aaah! It wasn’t a cheque even. The paper was punched at the sides and was blue and white in colour. Northern Railways was written in white ink. Coach 3- Seat35. Number of passengers – 1. He read further to get a clue. The carry van of death took away from him every bit of life, when he read the names of the boarding station and the destination. As a birthday surprise, Mrs. K had sent him the tickets from Jaipur to Lucknow dated 28^th March, to come and celebrate the most special day of his life, his birthday with them.

The more Mannu was trying to hide his journey to Mumbai, the more it gloomed up. Mannu was getting more and more entangled in the chakra of life. It felt like it was a foggy November night and he was walking endlessly, bare foot, to find a way out of the lands of deciduous trees, but the shredded leaves had piled up like a mountain on the road to the outer land. He kept sitting on the floor. He wanted Pia near, but he knew if he ever told her she’ll never let him come to Mumbai. He was in a state of weightlessness, heartlessness and lifelessness. His whole body had become numb.  

The ticket fell down as Mannu walked towards the bathroom. He didn’t bother to put it to a safe place. In, there was complete darkness, just as a night without moon. He locked it, lay down with his back leaning on the door and cried a river. The burden of expectations was getting heavier. Already he had lied to his parents once and this time again the situation seemed out of control. He never felt so alone. He wanted to share the happiness of meeting Pia with Channu, Vivi and with Mrs. K, but it was not at all possible. He wanted to tell Pia about the care that his parents give him, but here too he had to be silent. Tears ran from his eyes. He had nowhere to go, there were no arms to hide him, no shoulder to cry on and no one to save him today. A web of situations had entangled him. He felt desperate. Leaving this world was the only end his swollen eyes could see. He kept on crying for a while. On his knees, Mannu went close to the bucket and filled it with cold water. He wiped his eyes and nose and held the bucket firm with both hands.

“Zindagi se itni nafrat kabhi nahi hui...”

He looked into the bucket filled with water, though nothing was visible.

Were his desires too high? All he had wanted was to go and see his love, but full stops were lined up to infinity. His mummy and papa wanted him to be with them on his birthday. The exams were another big hurdle.

Life is similar to a coin, with two sides which can never see each other. On one side was his parents’ belief, which he intend not to break, his career; as the mental confusion, anxiety the Mumbai trip was to bring may fall upon his performance in the exam and on the other side were the eyes of a beautiful girl waiting from so long to see him. Again, he had no answer. He walked back, checked the lock on the door. It was locked. Broken from within, he sat on his knees again and took a deep breath in. The water was chilling cold, his nose could sense it.

God...I want to end all the mysteries...

He said these last words and dipped his head into the pool of water.